i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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