Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
