Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
