my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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