Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize