How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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