3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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