This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
