If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
