i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
