Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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