I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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