i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
