Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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