i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
