Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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