If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
worst night to have a conscience
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
