In the future we'll all be gay
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
