Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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