As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
