I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
