threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
