My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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