I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
