she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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