I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
