if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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