I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize