apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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