Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
