I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
