just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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