One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
