dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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