i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There are leaves in my underwear?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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