Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
