my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Text me some of your sweat
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