Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
