If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
