K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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