drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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