Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
