i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
