you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
