Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
