I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
