The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
