i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize