Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
