Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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