Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
