It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
