They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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