I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
