i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize