I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
