You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
