I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What a dumb baby whore.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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