Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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